: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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