He asked me if I "almost moaned"
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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