I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
