My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
