My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Randomize
