Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
