In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
