i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
