Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
