We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
