it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
