So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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