Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Randomize
