I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
