my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
stop calling my apartment porn island.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
3pm strippers are depressing
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
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