If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
