So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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