Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
