I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
