i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
