I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
