the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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