Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
