She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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