HIV tests are more positive than that guy
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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