haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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