I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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