My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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