I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
