I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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