nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i dont even know how to be here
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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