last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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