i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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