We won't sleep together?
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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