Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
we're making bets on your personal life
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
