Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
