One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
