and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
