I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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