I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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