im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Acid is not a monday night drug
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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