You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
