Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
The power of my boobs compel you
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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