All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
