Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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