it hurts more in the daytime
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
