im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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