i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
