the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
