I'm really into asian looking animals
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
