The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
