I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
