my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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