im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
