so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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